Reached my first goal... again!

Hey,

I've reached my mini-goal of 105lbs (7stone 7lbs) but I don't feel good, my weight needs to be a lot lower and I'm feeling a bit depressed about it so I thought I'd write about it on my blog.

I met up today with my ex-boyfriend today to just talk and go over some issues we have with eachother and he finally apologised for cheating on me, i know he regrets it and he still loves me but what he's done can never be repaired. Anyway, we kinda made up and I guess we're friends now but i don't know if that was the right thing to do. All my mates said don't ever forgive him and then say oh go along with what you thinks right so I get really confused and to be honest he was my best friend before all this shit happened and I didn't really have anyone else so I don't wan't to lose him and I haven't really completely forgiven him yet anyway. Sometimes I wish my friends would just not give me advice cos sometimes it just get's way to confusing.

Now going on to the food issue - my mum has noticed my weight loss even though I'm still huge but she's worrying about me cos she gets paranoyed about stuff so tonight I have to have dinner in front of her (so no cooking and throwing it away) - vegetarian curry which I won't enjoy because I know it'll make me put on weight however I have riden my bike today for about 30/40 minutes and I'm going swimming tonight before dinner so it shouldn't be too bad even though I'm still nervous and worrying about it already and it's at least another 3 hours untill dinner. Also, tomorrow I'm going to a gig and i'm queueing all day with my friends so I'll be able to avoid food completely all day which will make up for tonight. I'm actually so relieved about that because usually sunday is the worst day for me in terms of bingeing because my family gets together and has roast dinner which I usually can't escape from because I can't go in my bedroom and chew and spit it all and throw it down the toilet because I have to sit at the table. So I'm excited about the gig and it's got benefits for me as well although i will allow myself a cup of tea in the morning before I go and a can of diet coke which totals about 21 calories which isn't too bad and I'll work it all off at the gig with all the jumping up and down and the heat of it all.

Moving on, my next mini goal is 100lbs (7st 2lbs) and I'm hoping to reach that in about 2 weeks time - so, 5lbs in 2 weeks isn't too unreasonable I've just got to be extra strict and stop snacking on dried fruit which is my current addiction. I'm also going to have to think of some other tactics to avoid my mum's eye at home and avoid food completely.

I'll do another update on my stats in about a weeks time probably next friday (i think that's the 15th february). Hopefully by then I'll be about 102/103lbs and nearly reached my next goal!

1 month update!

Ok, so I haven't been on for over a month and there has been a reason to that and that was, I was determined not to write another blog until I'd reached my ultimate mini goal of 105lbs.

In fact a couple of weeks ago I reached 103lbs but the next day I felt so faint (having not eaten anything for 3 days) I had to eat and I ended up eating breakfast, lunch and dinner, seemingly normal to most people but my body just clung onto as much of it as possible and obviously I gained weight. I can't remember how much but I did manage to stabilise, get back on track and I've reached 105lbs another few times since then untill this weekend!

Anyway, this weekend, I ate... and ate... and ate and I got up to a discusting 110lbs! I've only eaten a few grapes today, and chewed and spat my dinner and I've managed to get down to 107lbs. I hope to stabilise at 104/105lbs by next tuesday and I'm on a almost starvation diet untill then. Hopefully not going above about 600kcals in 6days. The real trouble is that when I don't eat for days on end, and then force myself to eat or faint, I end up binging and putting on loads of weight. So basically this week, the challenge is to avoid binges. Typically my binge for one day would be roughly 1000-2000kcals depending on how bad I felt so you can see how badly that would affect my weight and horribly, fat too.

Anyway, in the last month, I also broke up with my boyfriend of nearly 2 years, he was a bastard, cheated on me - but there you go, story of my life, I should never trust anyone, it always backfires. At least now I can focus on my goals without a watchful eye.

So... stats:

Weight: 107lbs
Target: 104lbs
By: Hopefully sunday, latest tuesday

Will update soon, happy dieting all!