Seriously, I've put on all the weight I lost this past few weeks, I'm now back to 111lbs and I feel so fat and guilty and worthless, i made such an effort to get to my mini target of 105lbs and now I feel like I'm starting all over again. All this week I've been really bad with things like sweets, cakes and chocolate, you know... the stuff that makes you obese and it's really taken it's toll and made me loose focus on my goal. Also it's very near to christmas (only 3 days) and i'm pretty sure it's going to be pretty hard to even maintain my weight during a time when the world turns into glutenous pigs! I know I will probably be one of them.
Nevertheless I'm starting again today and so far I've eaten roughly 100kcals and I don't plan to eat anything else today (apart from maybe a few cups of tea). To take my mind off food and stuff though when I get back from work I'm making a list of things to do so that I have no time to eat anything!
5.30pm: Take a bath
6.30pm:Watch TV
Thereafter watching TV I can:
- Surf the internet
- Study Biology
- Finish photography folder work
- Write in my ana journal
- Look for constipation pills on net chemist (will need these over christmas if i cant make myself throw up)
- Look for new diet pills (find better ones then the hoodia ones i am currently using)
- Read a book.
- Draw some anime.
- Update my myspace/youtube/facebook accounts
- E-mail my pro-ana buddy! Updates, new goals etc
- Download some new music
- Listen to music
- Pamper myself, nails, make-up, moisture cream etc
I think that list will keep me going the whole evening then on saturday i'm going shopping with 2 of my friends so it will be easy to avoid food because they never question me when it comes to food, they haven't got a clue so it's all good. Hope I can get back down to atleast 107lbs if not 105 by christmas so if i put weight on it will be easier to get down to my targets again. Will hope to write a new post my christmas eve but may not be untill the 27th december. Wish me luck!
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